no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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