i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
