her vagine was all disorganized.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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