Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
