At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
