I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
