I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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