Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
