i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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