Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
