So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
