My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I supernannyed him into submission
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