So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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