i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The air was thick with penises
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize