In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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