I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
