its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
