Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
