I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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