you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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