i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
