i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
