1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.