i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
