He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
