Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
