I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
