i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
