Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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