i think my mom watched the whole time
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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