The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
