i think my tv is drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
