he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
