I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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