Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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