the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
