those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
