guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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