i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
