if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize