I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
