Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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