Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
