Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize