It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
