You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
