Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
