WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
4 words: hood of his car
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
