Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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