Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dicks are not precious.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
