She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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