How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
