I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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