my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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