Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
