I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
