I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
