Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
