What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
