I just threw up on my dentist
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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